Friday, September 9, 2016

Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have

conversations couples should have
Starting a relationship and the beginning of a marriage can feel like the easiest most natural thing in the world. You feel the attraction. You have fun together. Generally, enjoy each others company. In the honeymoon phase, not much more thought goes into it than that. Once that honeymoon phase has fizzled and life takes over, it takes a conscious effort to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship. It is very important to know where both you and your partner stand on things and just how important those stances are to each other. The best way to discover these things about each other is to talk; to share the whole picture of each other through meaningful and intentional conversation. Having these conversations early can go a long way in helping to create a happy home in the future.

1. The Future

Yes, your future as a couple, but also the future in general. Where do you see yourself in a year? 5 years? 10 years? Where do they see themselves? It is easy to be blinded by the honeymoon phase and just think "together," but you need to figure out if these futures can intertwine or will somebody need to compromise (and is that a compromise that you or they really want to make without strings of resentment).

2. Political Stances

Politics aren't generally a conversation for new couples, but it is important to know where each other stand. Most people are steadfast in their political beliefs and it can lead to some pretty nasty "are you serious?" conflicts if the two of you are not on the same page on most of the larger topics.

3. Faith

Another thing that is VERY important to know is where your partner stands with their faith. Are they strong in their faith? Do you share the same faith? In this day and age, there are many happy interfaith relationships and marriages, but they present a unique set of obstacles that are very important to discuss for a happy and healthy relationship.

4. Parenting

Most couples have the "do you want kids?" conversation at some point, but it is important to take it further than that. No, I don't just mean "how many?" (although, that is a very important question too), but to talk about what kind of parenting styles you see for yourselves. Do you see yourself as a stay at home parent? More crunchy? Less crunchy? Religious upbringing? Parenting is such an important topic and presents an opportunity for even the most minor of disagreements to be catastrophic that it is vital to have an understanding as to where you each stand on things (before the jump to starting a family).

5. Sex

Sex may be an awkward and uncomfortable topic (or maybe it's just an awkward and uncomfortable topic for me), but knowing what your partner likes (and doesn't like), limitations and curiosities can make private time much more comfortable and fulfilling for you both.

6. Money

Chances are, it doesn't take too long to get a general idea of what your partner makes and where that money is spent, but it is a very important thing to discuss, with finances being one of the leading causes for divorce (around 45%).

7. What makes each other happy

This is one of those "Thank You Mrs. State-the-Obvious" things that tends to get lost as time
talk to your spouse
goes on and life takes over. It is important to express the things that bring you joy and to listen to what brings your partner joy (especially since these things are likely to change over time and with different stages). Make sure that you make these things a priority because they tend to get lost in the routine of day-to-day life.

8. What bothers each other

Knowing what bothers each other is just as important as knowing what makes each other happy. We often just assume that our partners know what bothers us without having ever expressed it (GUILTY!). Expressing these things in conversation before it is an issue can prevent a lot of conflicts.

9. Division of labor

You and your partner need to know and understand what each of you expects is you your role and job in the household. Will one work outside the home and the other tend the home? Will everything be divided equally? Knowing and expressing these expectations upfront can also prevent quite a bit of conflict and hurt feelings.

10. Nothing


Conversations about nothing can teach us a lot about each other. Many things that you would have never thought to ask come out in a conversation about nothing.


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important conversations for couples

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